I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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