I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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