Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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