she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
