are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
