Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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