I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I want a musical about memes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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