Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His hands were made for my vagina.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
