I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
