NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
