That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
