Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
