Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
