I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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