hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
