Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
