Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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