Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
