i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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