I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
