We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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