batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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