i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
