You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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