I accidentally had phone sex last night
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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