I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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