Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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