I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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