he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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