I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
