Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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