she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
