I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
