is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
