if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
