I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
