My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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