I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
