In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sorry about my life...
The power of my boobs compel you
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
