i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
