she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
