hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Someone came in the potted fern
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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