Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
