My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
