Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
