You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
