I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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