I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
