Having a random hookup so left but love u
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
