I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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