Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
