I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
