I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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