All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
