Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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