all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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