Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
sarcasm needs its own font
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
