Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
