I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Pooping to opera.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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