What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
