at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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