I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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