As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
