i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
