what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
