So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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