You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
