the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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