I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
