Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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