it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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