just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
