My room smells like vodka and shame
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
do herpes really smell.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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