You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
