She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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